Greetings from Kennedy International Airport

I have a few moments and a free internet connection, so I thought I'd check in quickly.

Yesterday I felt pretty on top of things and fairly leisurely about packing and getting loose ends tied up...until my friend Kristin showed up at 8:20 p.m. to take me to the airport. Then I suddenly felt like I had a million things left to do. Even with my last minute panic, we arrived at the airport with more than two hours to spare before my midnight flight to NY. Thank you, Kristin, you're a lifesaver!

I had been so stoked to get a one-way ticket from SFO to Santo Domingo for $239 including taxes. The price was right and I have no idea when I'll be returning. Luckily, I arrived early to the airport because that's when I found out I had to have a return ticket in order to board the plane. I explained to the clerk about the fiance visa and how we don't know when we'll be coming back. It didn't matter. I was still forced to buy a one-way ticket home. I chose October something, even though I have no plan of using it, because it was the cheapest, about $275 with taxes. Just now I'm realizing I should have inquired about a flight to Miami or NY, which should have been cheaper. Either way, it'll cost $35 to cancel it and bank the credit. I'll probably use it to buy Daniel a round-trip ticket to Santo Domingo for the 1-year anniversary of Maya's death on January 16.

By February or March, Andre should have his interview with the US consulate in Santo Domingo and then we'll go to Haiti to leave his stuff and say goodbye to the family. It'll make more sense to fly directly from Port-au-Prince, so I'll probably use my American Airlines miles anyway, since JetBlue doesn't fly from Haiti.

The next problem was the overweight of my bags. Luckily it wasn't too much. One bag weighed 2 pounds over and the other 8. I was able to cram those items into my carry-on bags somehow.

The flight was great. I had three seats to myself, so I actually got some sleep and the flight went quickly. I called Andre to let him know I'm really coming, so he better prepare himself. I know him well enough, he'll be at the airport early, all showered and groomed and smiling. It's a sight I've had the pleasure of experiencing twice before. But I wouldn't mind if this were the last separation we have to endure. I'm getting tired of commuting to Santo Domingo.

What a relief!

Looks like everything's fine with my left breast. When I went in for an ultrasound yesterday afternoon, the technician said she didn't see anything to be concerned about, although I haven't heard it officially from the doctor yet. She wished me a great trip with Andre, so that was encouraging. The woman who did my mammogram on Monday was there too. She told me to ask for her again next year, adding "I want to see a wedding ring on your finger." Obviously, I've been opening my big mouth about my plans.

Today is the last day to finish the DVD project of Maya's memorial party. I had no idea how time consuming it would be. I'm paying a fortune to Larry Gale the video editor, but it will all be worth it when I have the final project in hand before I get on that plane. I think I'm going to pay $35 to Jet Blue to leave one day later, on Sept. 26, so I can arrive the 27th when my friend Hubert does. He's renting a car, which will save me $30 in taxi fare (actually, I think I paid $50 last time because Andre rode out to the airport with Pedro the taxista to meet me). And it gives Larry one more day to produce the DVDs. I want to take a dozen or so with me for all the Maya fans in Dominican Republic and South America (Mexican friend Gabriel is studying in Uruguay and my cousin Zack and his girlfriend Soraya live in Chile). My friend Lisa, Larisa's mom, is going to be sending out the bulk of them, plus leaving 100 or more at Westlake School office, so you can call her if you want to be sure to get one: 831-458-5381.

I'll write more after today. I have so much work to do still, finding the photos I want to include in the project. So I better get started. I was at Larry's studio until 1 a.m. last night.

Still hoping to get out of here...

I'm scheduled to leave late Tuesday, Sept. 25, but I'd like to change it to the 26th if that's possible so I can get in the same day as my friend Hubert who is renting a car. He's only staying four days and will drive his girlfriend Antonia, me and Andre out to Nena's village near the Haitian border so we can see Nena's brand new baby Dewin Miguel. I asked her where she got the name Dewin and she said she made it up. I'm surprised because the letter "w" isn't used much in Spanish, if at all.

Nena's original due date was Sept. 30, so I thought I'd get there in time for the birth, but the baby wasn't in the right position, so they did a cesarian about a week ago. Andre says they always do cesarians in Dominican Republic to make more money. I spoke to Nena a few days after the birth and she was in a lot of pain. If the surgery was anything like Andre's mother's hysterectomy, I imagine she's going to be hurting for a while.

There's another little issue which hopefully will be resolved soon. I went in on Monday to get a mammogram since it's been over a year and I'm planning to be out of the country for six months. I've had two before and many pap smears, all of which were negative. So I wasn't expecting a call yesterday morning from the technician who did the mammo. She knew I'm leaving the country soon, so she told me to call radiology for an ultrasound appointment right away. The doctor who reviewed my mammogram saw something suspicious on my left breast and wanted another look.

The appointment guy scheduled me for next Monday at 12:30. "Don't you have anything earlier," I protested. "I'm leaving the country next Tuesday."

"You won't be going anywhere if you need a biopsy," he said. "It wouldn't make any difference if I could get you in today. If you need a biopsy you're going to have to cancel your flight."

Under normal circumstances, nobody wants to hear that a doctor saw something suspicious and needs more studies. But just days away from getting out of here, cramming to get everything done, not having a moment to breath, and anxious to be reunited with Andre after two months apart, this was shocking and depressing news.

I kinda freaked and cried a bit. After losing my daughter to brain cancer in January it seems like everyone's dying of cancer. I felt like running away from the Bay Area, which has the highest rate of breast cancer in the world. I imagined myself making a quick trip to Dominican Republic just to see Andre one last time before I die. I couldn't even reach him on his cell or home phone.

Then, little by little, I got a grip on myself. I started talking to friends, many of whom had had similar experiences, but the ultrasound only turned up fibroids or odd tissue, nothing to be concerned about. My cousin reminded me that fibroids run in our family and I do have them in my uterus which causes heavy periods, but no pain, so I leave them there. I also reminded myself that I'm not really overdue for a mammogram, so if there is something, we probably caught it early. I also examined my breasts myself and found no lumps or pain anywhere. I have my fingers crossed that I'm one of the majority who goes for the ultrasound and that's it. I'm hoping I'll still be able to fly next week.

I called this morning to see if there were any cancellations and I got lucky. I'm going in for the ultrasound in a half hour. I'll keep you posted.

Got our Flight Reservations!

Tickets are purchased and our plans are set in concrete. First I'm flying to Santo Domingo on Sept. 25, doing the red eye to NY and the early morning to Dominican Republic on the 26th. Andre will be waiting at the airport for me, as always. This will be my fourth time down there in little more than a year. I hardly ever repeat a country that often (except Mexico), but it isn't just the fried bananas that keep me coming back to the D.R.

Our friend Hubert will be flying in from NJ the next day for a quickie 4-day trip. He plans to rent a car and take us and his girlfriend Antonia to the western edge of D.R., next to the Haitian border, where Antonia and Nena are from. Nena is already in her village at her mom's, awaiting the birth of her first child. I'm bringing a ton of baby clothes, so Nena's son will be the best dressed kid in the Dominican Republic. Some of the bigger clothes will go to Andre's nephew in Haiti and Margarita's grandson.

We won't be in the D.R. long because on October 6 we fly to Sao Paolo, Brazil. I'm going up to Berkeley tomorrow evening to play racquetball and spend the night with a friend so I can go early the next morning to the Brazilian embassy in San Francisco. Americans have to apply in person and pay $100 for a Brazilian visa these days as retribution for how our government treats Brazilians who apply for U.S. tourist visas. At least it's possible for a friend to pick it up for me, so I'll only have to make the trip once.

Andre's Brazilian visa has to be activated by October 9, so that's the reason for the rush. I've sold my car and rented out my house, but still have a lot to do before I take off in 2 weeks, like my 2006 taxes, finish up the DVD project of Maya's memorial party, get a mammogram and ultrasound, order more photos, calendars and photo mugs to take as gifts to his family and friends, pack up all the wonderful donations friends have given me, and finish up the paperwork for Andre's interview with the U.S. consulate next spring.

Andre's Brazilian visa is good for 3 months and is multi-entry. We'll probably head southwest first because miracle of miracles: Haitians don't need visas to travel in Argentina. I'm suspecting that it will be easier to get visas to other countries once we're in South America. Maybe we could visit my Mexican friend Gabriel who is studying in Uruguay or my cousin Zack in southern Chile. If not, maybe they can hook up with us in Argentina. I'd really love to go to Bolivia in December for the World Juniors Racquetball Championships, if Andre can get a Bolivian visa. I taught racquetball all over Bolivia for a month in 1983 and I'd love to see if I can find any of my former students.

On January 3, we fly back to Santo Domingo from Sao Paolo. We'll just miss a friend of mine who I introduced via email to Andre's best friend Junior. She's going to be in Santo Domingo from mid-December until just after New Year's while her kids are on vacation with their dad. I really wish we could be there with her to double date. But I know she'll have a wonderful time with Junior because he's such a great guy. I just hope he can get some time off from his factory job.

Andre and I invited Maya's dad Daniel to join us in Santo Domingo in mid-January, after we get back from visiting Haiti again, so we can be together on January 16, the anniversary of Maya's death. That will be a really hard day for us and it will be nice to spend it together in a place that Maya loved -- the 11th country she visited in her short lifetime. A Dominican girlfriend of mine has even offered to accompany Daniel while we show him around.

So the countdown begins. Only 14-1/2 more days until I'm together with Andre again. On the one hand I wish I could fly tomorrow, but on the other hand I wish I had two more months to get everything done.

Still in Santa Cruz

I haven't posted anything in a long time because basically my life is still the same -- trying to get everything done in Santa Cruz so I can go back to Andre, and travel with him until he gets his U.S. visa.

At this moment our plans look something like this:

1. I still need to do my 2006 taxes, finish editing the DVD of Maya's memorial party, make copies and distribute them, get my Brazilian visa, get our airline tickets, collect stuff to take to Dominican Republic and Haiti, print up all the photos I promised everyone in those countries, etc. etc.

2. Around Sept. 20 I will fly back to Santo Domingo. We'll be together in Dominican Republic for our friend Nena's baby which is due Sept. 30. We also plan to go to Cabarete to visit a hotel and racquetball club owned by an American and his Dominican girlfriend who we met in Santo Domingo.

3. Before October 9 when Andre's Brazilian visa expires we will fly to Brazil. His visa is good for 3 months (mine will be valid for 5 years I was told), so we hope to also visit Argentina and Chile during that time. My cousin Zak lives in southern Chile. He offered to meet us in Brazil. Also, my friend Gabriel is studying in Uruguay. It would be great to see him. We have a pretty open plan. I would love to go back to Bolivia and visit as many former racquetball students as I can still find. I taught racquetball there for a month in 1983.

4. Return to D.R. around January 5. We want to go to Jamaica. Maybe my niece Alex and my friend Pria will be able to join us there. Pria also mentioned St. Lucia. I don't know anything about it, but why not? We have until Feb. or March for the U.S. visa. We may go to Haiti right away and then again on our way off the island. Or maybe we'll just wait until we're leaving for the U.S. because Andre wants to leave a lot of stuff with his mother since he'll be giving up his apartment in Santo Domingo. It's really small, basically a room with attached bath, but it's only $60 a month, so we haven't worried about keeping it until he leaves for good. It's always a good idea not to burn your bridges.

5. Andre goes for his interview whenever the U.S. Consulate informs us that they're ready. Hopefully, he gets the visa. Otherwise, we'll be trying to figure out which country besides the U.S. we want to live in. I really don't want to live on a Caribbean island. Too hot and sweaty and small and expensive for me. Assuming he gets the visa, we pack up, go to Haiti and fly to California. We'll probably have some kind of party to introduce him to everyone, or maybe we'll just make the rounds, or you can drop in on us at Maple Street. I'm so excited for everyone to meet him and for him to meet everyone. Like I tell him, you have tons of friends waiting for you.

6. The U.S. Immigration service gives us three months to get married or send him back. So that would mean a May or June wedding, possibly at our old Walnut house, thanks to the hospitality of new owners Pam and Ray. We'll probably go to Kauai for our honeymoon since we can't leave the U.S. Also that was a place that Maya wanted to go because Hilary Duff celebrated her 16th birthday there and we watched the video over and over. Plus, I have friends who have a timeshare there.

7. It takes about 5 or 6 months for Andre to get his U.S. residency. He can't leave the country during that time. So, we're telling his family that we'll be back down in December 2008 for a wedding reception for all the family and friends in Haiti. That will be almost as big a party as the one in Santa Cruz. He has nearly as much family as I have friends, which is a lot!

In the meantime, at least once or twice a day we talk via Skype, with calling cards, Gmail chat, and email. It's hard for us to be separated, but in a way we're used to it since most of our relationship has been spent apart. Our first separation lasted 7 months, the next 3 months and this one 2. So they're getting shorter each time. I really hope everything goes well at home in Santa Cruz, with my rentals and all, so I don't have to break off my trip early and come back without him again.

For Labor Day weekend I'm at Kennolyn Family Camp in the Santa Cruz mountains. I invited Maya's friend Reyna whose family moved to Sacramento. We're having a good time, but I should have invited her cousin Isabel too, so Reyna would have a buddy. Reyna's kind of shy and sticking to me a lot. Maya, the social butterfly, was all over the place, making friends with all the counselors and practically running the camp. But Reyna is very athletic and fearless so she's been doing great on the climbing walls, ropes course, horseback riding, vaulting. We spent most of the afternoon in the pool because it's so hot.

I can't believe I'm planning the next year and a half of my life. Wouldn't that be a miracle if it all went according to plan?

Poor Andre Misses Me

Andre says he's feeling lonely since I came back to California without him on July 25. I tell him not to worry. I'm trying to get everything done that I need to here in Santa Cruz so we can be together again in early September.

I hope you realize this photo is a joke. In the last blog entry I mentioned that Andre is growing his hair out. He wants to have an Afro, as we called them in the 1960s before he was born. So I used photoshop and browsed the internet to create this image. I certainly hope he's not enjoying himself without me! At least not with five other women.

Actually, that's something I appreciate about Andre. I can totally trust him. I call him the Boy Scout because he's even more straight and narrow than I am. Neither of us has ever tried illegal drugs or pot, been drunk, or smoked a cigarette. It's hard to find people like that. He drinks a beer or champagne once in a while, but nothing that I have to worry about.

I got him hooked on racquetball already. He's getting coaching from Danelo and Alberto, two brothers who play on the Dominican national racquetball team (see photo from July 24 blog). He's excited to score more against me in September. I was still beating him 15-0 quite often, although he could sneak up to 1, 2, or 3 points sometimes. I can't believe how quick he is, but if you don't know where the ball's going, it doesn't matter how fast you run. My 33 years experience (I started playing a couple of years before Andre was born) helps me beat most of the young, male, athletic opponents here at U.C.S.C. courts.

I've been working on the DVD project of Maya's memorial party, I still have my 2006 taxes to do, and my fingers are crossed that some tenants really do move out tomorrow (they talked me into two extra days because the husband has the flu supposedly). I have Maya's dad Daniel and his crew ready to renovate the place. If you know of anyone who's looking for a two-story 1200 square foot, 3 bedroom, 1 bath with yard, in a fourplex near Dominican Hospital, please send them my way. I need good tenants so Andre and I can travel for 3-6 months while we're waiting for his visa appointment at the U.S. Consulate in Santo Domingo. I think we have all the paperwork together.

I've enjoying getting together with friends here in Santa Cruz and playing racquetball of course. I'm house- and dogsitting for a former roommate who is visiting family in Germany with her little boy for three weeks. It made me realize I've never lived alone, other than a month or two in a tiny tiny studio near San Diego State University when I first separated from my husband long, long ago. I kinda like living alone, I discover, just as I find a good man to share my life with. Well, we'll see how that goes. I'm optimistic, but realistic too. Andre is such a sweetheart. I feel like I fall in love more and more each day. It's hard to believe that anything could ever change, but as I learned with Maya, you never know what could happen. Solo Dios sabe.

Happy First Anniversary

Here's a picture that Andre emailed me a few days ago. His hair looks longer already, even though I was just with him less than two weeks ago.

Andre and I met on August 6, 2006, exactly one year ago at the Hotel Atarazana in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. Maya and I had just arrived from Puerto Rico where we attended my cousin's son's wedding. I hadn't had time to plan our 2-1/2 week stay in D.R., but I quickly looked on the internet and found the name of a cheap hotel.

Maya refused to stay there after the third or fourth cucarracha scurried across the floor. The rooms were quite filthy and I wasn't crazy about having to stand on the bed frame to connect two wires whenever we wanted AC. The young druggie (I'm guessing. No evidence) who ran the place also showed me how to turn on the pump outside in case the toilet ran out of water.

We ventured out to see what else we could find. By chance, just around the corner was a really nice six-room hotel. I told Maya not to get her hopes up because it looked too expensive. When I rang the bell Andre came down and let us in. I was immediately attracted to him, which took me aback because I hadn't had a boyfriend in 8 years, not since Daniel and I broke up for the last time. I hadn't wanted to complicate Maya's life, so I resigned myself to being single until she graduated from high school. I definitely hadn't gone down to the Caribbean to fall in love.

Andre showed us a few rooms, all very nice, then I asked if we could go up the spiral stairs to the rooftop. I pulled out my videocamera and recorded the view of the river and some nice historic buildings, never once turning the camera on Andre. I asked him the name of the hotel. He said Atarazana so softly I asked him to repeat it. That's the only video I have of him from my first trip to D.R., plus one photo.

Andre had a totally different experience that day. I could have been any foreign tourist, but it was Maya who caught his eye. That girl could charm anyone with her beautiful spirit. Each morning when we came down for breakfast he would cut extra mango for her and prepare a scrambled egg just how she liked it. She would hang out in the kitchen with him and help herself to more juice from the fridge. I remember them chatting and laughing while I snuck glances, blushing every time he caught my eye. I didn't really know him yet. I just thought he was cute. And probably less than half my age. I was 49 and he looked to be about 22.

Luckily I got enough courage to ask Andre if I could photograph him in the beautiful red kitchen. He asked me to email the photo to him and that's how we got started writing. As time went on he started asking me questions like what I thought of long-distance relationships and how do you know when you're in love. I thought that was sweet that he felt comfortable enough to ask me so many personal questions. He even requested photos of me and told me I was beautiful, signing his letters "abrazos y besos" (hugs and kisses). I still didn't get it. I couldn't imagine that such a young, good looking guy would be interested in an old lady like me.

Meeting Andre seemed to wake up something in me. I started looking through the personal ads on craigslist and went on a few dates. I told Andre all the details since he was my new, best friend. We were writing practically every day by then. He wrote back and said he was jealous. "If you need a man, here I am."

I kept rereading that line, trying to figure out what he meant. Finally I wrote back and confessed that I was very attracted to him. If only I were 30 years younger I would definitely take him up on his offer. Then he wrote back, saying he was turning 30 in April, which made a big difference to me. Plus, I give him a few more years for having grown up in a third world country and then studying and working abroad for four years.

So today is our first anniversary. Like anything in life, it's just one day at a time, but I've enjoyed every one of those days. We're both very committed to each other. Like I wrote him the other day, our relationship has really been put to the test: going through Maya's diagnosis, treatments and death; living so far apart from each other; only being physically together for two months out of this first year; and when we are together, it's 24/7 without a break. All that on top of the cultural differences and the fact that we mostly speak to each other in Spanish, which isn't our native language. His first language is Creole, followed by French, then Dominican Spanish (I speak Mexican Spanish) and pretty good English.

Now it seems weird how freaked out I used to be about our 20-year age difference...until we got together in March. Age is hardly an issue anymore. Shoot, if Demi Moore can do it, why can't I? I remember one friend said, "I'm glad you're with someone 20 years younger. Maybe he'll be able to keep up with you." Just barely. I tease Andre that he's the older one because he's more conservative, not as adventurous, and he even likes to rest or take breaks sometimes. And I can still beat him 15-0 in racquetball, although lately he started getting a few points sometimes. We'll see what happens when we're reunited in early September. He's got a coach and practices a lot. And in case you hadn't noticed, he's in excellent physical shape.